On 01:02:03 04/05/06 - Eetook Returns!

Thanks to my friend Ron at A Wing and a Prayer, we have received warning of the latest dangers of digital alignment to occur Wednesday morning. The computing community, governments, lawyers, schools, and used-car lots everywhere have been alerted, and the media is cringing in fear.

It is therefore with a great sense of reassurance that I now post the following pamphlet, now available for the first time in the E-cosmos. This easy-to-read document (which I saw at a former place of employment) explained the dangers of Eetook (sometimes known by its astronomical identifier, Y2K), the terrifying COMET which threatened Earth back in late 1999. I have received authorisation to publish it now, in the hope that people will folow its guidelines and thereby prevent Wednesday's disaster, as was so valiantly performed just six years ago...

--Dr. Thursday

Comet Eetook:
Will It Strike at Midnight January 1, 2000?

What You Can Do About It

Everyone is worried about Y2K, popularly known as Comet Eetook: the astronomical disaster some are predicting will strike Earth just after midnight on January 1, 2000.

For a while it appeared that Y2K had something to do with computers. Of course since computers are human inventions, and can easily be controlled by humans, it was clear that Earth had nothing to worry about from them.

But then the newspapers printed articles about "checking your vacuum cleaner" and even warning about something they called "the universal program stop code." It was obvious that Y2K was a euphemism for something far worse, something which no human action could possibly deflect.

Y2K is something never mentioned, hidden in scientific jargon, something so fearful that no one would dare approach any real authority to ask: "What is Y2K? What can we do about Y2K?"

Here is the answer to both questions.

Eetook, or Y2K, is a comet – a monstrous sphere of burning gases, destined to hit the Earth just after midnight on January 1, 2000.



In past ages, people feared what they didn't understand. Now, people fear whatever the TV tells them to fear.

But there is no reason to fear Eetook!

In past ages, people knew that good was more powerful than evil, and they knew that even certain things, like water or wood, which were symbols of good, could thwart the evil powers. With our advances in technology, some smugly deny the possibility of real harm from Y2K: they call it a lot of hot gas. But what if the predictions are true? What can be done? What power do we have that can overcome this mighty threat?

HAVE NO FEAR.

It will come as a surprise to many in this technological age, but there is a certain substance, powerful in itself and powerful in its effects, which is commonly available, even in our largest cities: indeed, a substance so powerful it can block ALL the effects of Eetook and ward off this terrifying comet from our planet!

You CAN keep Comet Eetook away.

It's simple.

Here is the solution: Buy yourself a bulb of GARLIC and put it on the top of your computer.

Garlic has long been known as a potent force against a variety of threats. It is not just good, it's good for you! And if you have ever glimpsed its power, you know how strongly it can repel.

GARLIC CAN REPEL COMET EETOOK!

We further recommend that you sing the Garlic Song, which we have printed on the back page for your convenience. You do not even have to have the entire bulb: just one clove is sufficient for your PC.

In the above picture you see a technician preparing to protect a whole room-full of computers.

Furthermore, after New Year's, when the threat of the comet has passed, you will be all ready to make any number of tasty dishes.

The Garlic Song
(to be sung to ward off comets)
To the tune of "Alouette"

Chorus: Get the garlic, time to get the garlic,
Get the garlic, comet stay away.

Rub the garlic on the plug, rub the garlic on the plug.
Oh....

Rub the garlic on the screen, rub the garlic on the screen.
And the plug, and the plug, Oh...

Rub the garlic on the keys, rub the garlic on the keys.
And the screen, and the screen,
And the plug, and the plug, Oh...

Rub the garlic on the disk, rub the garlic on the disk.
And the keys, and the keys,
And the screen, and the screen,
And the plug, and the plug, Oh...

Ask your systems personnel for the remainder of the song.

Note: if company-wide protection is desired, the employees must also perform the Garlic Dance. Ask your boss about it!